Sunday, January 30, 2011

I've been trying too hard to write the next chapter but i don't have's just so hard to write something nowadays... BLANK BLANK BLANK!!!

Wednesday, September 8, 2010


to those who are new here remember to start reading from chapter 1(the oldest post)....and work your way to the you will not get lost. Anyway CHAPTER 16 is enjoy!


I was sitting alone at the street, crying tremendously. Dad called, he had to cancel my visit at my 15th birthday which is by the way 2 days from now. I was supposed to spend some time with him. Dad is different from mom, I like him more. He used to be so fun when I was little, then the divorce happened. So occasionally I got to spend a little less time with him. Now I loathe him. I was so excited for the trip that I had packed my stuff a month ago and now his crushing my hopes just because he had to remarry and go on a honeymoon trip with his young wife on my birthday! Now I know why mom left him.

"Ice? Is that you?" Jake hurriedly walked to me looking so worried.

I quickly wiped the traces of my tears, and pretended to smile.

Jake instantly hugged me tightly. "Don't you ever do that to me again...don't scared me like that, I've been looking for you for an hour already."

I just stood there, so placidly quiet. It felt good, the disappointments and hurt was slowly changed to warm fuzzy feelings.

"I'm not going anywhere Jake...I promised, no matter what, you can always count on me."

I'll stay with you forever.

"Ice? We're here..." Steve was trying to wake me up. I guess i fell asleep in the car while he was driving us home.

"I'm sorry i fell asleep... were here." I immediately concealed the tears i had from the dream.

That dream... It haunted me for hours. I can't even go back to sleep. It happened when I was 15. From the thought of it, I promised Jake that no matter what I'll stay beside him, I was his best friend for god's sake. Now, what happened to us? What I really mean is what happened to me? I was the one who walked away, I was the one who fell in love, I was the one who never kept my promise... and just because for selfish reasons... I was afraid of getting hurt.

I had to get up, what time is it? It's four in the morning and I'm still awake. I guess i need a glass of milk. I remember the first time Steve and I went out together, it was the exact place I'm standing. He forced me to go out with him, he is a bit annoying sometimes, but he makes me forget. Now I thought about his kiss, it made me have this warm fuzzy feeling again. When I'm with Steve, I surprisingly gets out of my comfort zone, he makes me experience new things, things I didn't imagine I would do.

"Why are you smiling?"

"Huh?" Damn i was smiling by myself, and Steve caught me smiling by myself! Arrrgh of all the people why it had to be him.

"Ice? are you okay?hehe i guess you kinda thinking of something..." Steve was staring at me looking so cute with his pjs.

"Ah.. no... I mean yes but not you." of all the and my big mouth.

"Why are you blushing? Well well well..." he walked near me.

"Are you thinking about this?" then he begun to kiss me again, this time I kissed him back.

I kissed him back, I kissed Steve. I wasn't worried, I wasn't asking questions, I just got out from the box. I never thought of Jake. The guilt, the hurt, it just went away instantly. Could this mean something? Am I just using Steve to forget... or despite the quirkiness, and the differences, am I actually might be falling for this guy? I don't know... but lately he is the only person who puts a smile on my face.

Thursday, September 2, 2010


“Love is like a grass. If you fall on it, it may leave a stain and some temporary pain. But you’ll get over the pain, it will eventually stop hurting. Now maybe the stain ruined your favorite pair of jeans, or maybe it was nothing special that was ruined, but either way the stain remains there. And with time, it will begin to fade, but it will always be there, a permanent reminder that you, too, once fell.”

As we were approaching at the party, people are going wild. Loud cheers and music welcomed us upon our arrival. Steve was waving his hands as we passed by a couple of girls giggling and smiling flirtatiously at him. Me? I couldn't care less, my heart was beating so fast, because I knew that any moment from now, I will see Jake for the first time since like forever. It's been a month since I talked to him, I don't know how would I react and how would I feel. Everything for me is point blank, i can't hear the loud music, the loud cheers, all i noticed is how numb i was feeling it was like I'm drowning, it's hard to breath, I can't do it, I have to run, run away from here, all this crowd, it made me so dizzy.

"Ice? Are you okay?" Steve was holding my hand, and then he hug me amidst of the crowd, he hugged me.

I was just standing there, frozen, shocked yet i felt so calm and it was rescued me from drowning, it made me feel warm and cozy, I liked it.

"I'm okay can let go." I whispered at his ears.

"Are you sure? You know we can do this all night, hmmmmm.."

"I'm a hundred percent sure Steve, now let go, or I'll kicked your ass..." I was embarrassed 'coz people are staring...

He let go of me and stared at me for a while....

"Ice I know you're scared because you might think you will see Jake, and all the pain that's been hidden there will haunt you back again...however I'll be here at your side okay? If you want us to go, just hold my hand and we will go, for the meantime let's have fun, didn't you say a while ago at the car that we will be having a blast?"

I just nodded and look at him, then i took a deep breath.

"Who wants beer?" I enthusiastically asked him, pretending that all he was saying is true...that it's going to be okay.

We were really having a blast, and Steve was with me all the time, making me laugh...we dance, sang every lyrics of the song playing from the bands. I was having a good time.

"Hey Ice, I'll just have to go to the men's room wait for me here okay?"

I just nodded... I was standing all alone at one corner, smiling to each familiar person who looks at my way.

Then i saw him... Jake walking towards me, he had changed a lot. He look nice, he added a little weight, and he was smiling at me. I felt another rush at my body, but i remained calm and i just stood there looking at him... his eyes were glowing, he's more cuter than i remembered..then i realized something, something I have never felt for a long time now, I miss him, I suddenly miss Jake. No pain, no hurt but a sudden longing...longing for my best friend.

"Ice? Is that you? You changed...I mean you look great, your hair? you cut it? I mean wow, is that really you?" He was looking at me with amusement in his eyes.

"Jake..." It's all I can say....

"You never answered my calls and you were always never home..." Jake was looking at me differently now, it was like hurt, and confusion at the same time.

"I lost my phone, and I was busy...and I..." I can never find the right words to say.

"Babe, there you are...I have been looking all over for you."

Nice, Jake's girlfriend approached us, she was still the same, pretty sophisticated girl, she didn't even notice me.

"So you're still together huh?" I smiled forcefully, pretending not to care...

"Hey, you're Ice right? I remember you... you're Jake's best friend or should I say was his best friend... How..."

"Nice, Have you seen Eli, I think he had my camera, can you look for him?" Jake interrupted her quickly.

"There you are... so you've made friends while I'm gone huh?"
Steve put his arms around my shoulder, over protectively.

"Ah hey..ahmm..Jake meet Steve, Steve this is Jake and Nice." Now this is awkward, but thankfully Steve is here, he rescued me from this misery and I can't wait to go. So I immediately held his hands tightly, I want to leave now.

"Ice, can we go now? I needed to show you something." Steve knew and sense the tension all around us.

"Yeah sure." My hands still holding his, tighter than before.

"Ice... I..." Jake was about to tell me something when Nice interrupted him.

I turned my back, and Steve and I walked holding hands together silently. Tears fell down impetuously. Steve held my hand tighter as we walked and even though we didn't talk about it I know that he felt the pain and hurt that had haunted me again. I can never remove the stain that Jake had caused me, like what they say, in time it will fade but the stain will always still be there...

Sunday, August 29, 2010


There's a feeling people get from a good kiss that's just hard and just hard to explain.

He kissed me. Steve kissed me. It was a one moment thing, a moment i can never forget. When his lips touched mine, intense feelings came rushing in. It was like i was hit by a big wave....or butter melting into my mouth. The kiss lasted a minute or so then his phone rang, and he have to take it.. So i closed the door and now I'm lying here in my bed, so confused. I guess that's what every girl tends to feel after something like that happens, confused, awkward and confused again!

Then i remembered Jake, the exact time and feeling when i kissed him. It was nothing like this...that was good but sad. I almost forget, maybe I'll see him later, and I'm not ready. So many things have been bothering me at this moment, and i don't know how to handle it.

"There you are...I'm sorry we were interrupted.." Steve entered my room, as always, looking suave, so arrogant yet cute.

"Don't you ever knock?" I tried to look cool, you know pretended not to care.

"No i don't...ahmmm you better get ready Ice, we don't wanna be late." then he kissed my cheek.

And i didn't say anything, just stood there...

I wonder what would i wear? Now that's what a typical girl would be worrying!

Count down to shame... that's what I'm doing, while Steve was telling me a lot of things, I was not even listening to him. I kept on looking at the window, trying to figure things out.

"Hey Ice! Are you even listening?"
He was looking at me with confusion.

"Huh?" I tried to smile.

"Hey, are you worried?or was it the kiss?" His eyes were on the road now.

"I'm sorry Steve, I don't know... there's a lot of things in my mind right now."

"I know, i shouldn't have done it, I mean i can't help myself Ice...I..."

"Let's just enjoy the night Steve... I'm okay now, and we'll show them that we will be having fun! I got the feeling we will rock the party! wooohooo!" I over did it... I cut him because, i don't know what to say or respond.

"That's my girl..." still looking at the road and he was silent then...

Thursday, July 29, 2010


chapter 13 is here....hmmm to all the readers out there chapter 13 is ready and ICE is really coping up.... Anyway to those who have just visited, read it from the very first post till you reach chapter 13..Enjoy guys!

chapter 13

FUN. For the very first time, it landed on my lap tonight. I never thought how much i missed having fun and for the very first time it's not with Jake. Now here I am making progress and everything and still Jake had to be brought back from the dead ha ha ha...

So back to reality, I was with Steve the whole night, laughing, having a good time, eating like pigs, and even dancing, which I really refused doing it at first, however Steve made it look so much fun and interesting, so a thousand times of begging and bargaining I actually did it, and it was awesome...the night was awesome. It was a blast! I had a blast... and it was with Steve.

I had never look forward like this for a long time with weekends. It was addicting. It's like a drug that keeps me from screwing my life. Steve and I went out every weekends for the whole month, doing insane things, things I have never got the chance to do with my whole life. We were trying lots of stuff together, activities which we never thought we can ever try. Don't worry nothing illegal anyway. Talking about diversion, lots and lots of diversion.

"Hey Ice, I got something for would really love this." Steve was surprisingly excited handing the fliers.

As usual he was hot, with nothing on top just his khaki shorts.

"What's wrong with you?can't you knock?and why are you naked, you're disgusting!" yep, I always pretended to hate him, I don't know, it kinda works with us.

"Oh c'mon you love it when I don't have my shirt on ha ha's hot here can't take the hot. So what do you think? Should we try it?"

"I don't know, let me see...hmmm.." As i was browsing it I noticed Jake's name was in it...chief organizer. Something hit me, something sharp, and I tried to catch my breath...everything has resurfaced again, the pain, the shame and even the guilt. I kept silent.

"Yes, he is going to be there Ice, and I know it's been hard on you. However, it's been two months now, you have to face him. Don't you think?"

Steve was right, he knows what I'm going through and he is a good friend. But am I ready for this?

"I don't know Steve, finals are already coming and I had to prepare, and you much things to do..." I made a terrible excuse.

"What? It's next weekend and your final exam is happening this week..that's why we didn't go out right?Oh c'mon, it's like hitting two birds with one could face Jake and get over him and I can have fun with cute girls plus it's your favorite band..."

"Hmmm why don't you go alone, I'll be fine and besides you'll just left me there alone while you go hang out with hot girls." I can't go, I don't have the guts and I don't want to feel the pain again. I just can't...

"Hey, I will not leave you alone okay?we will do this together, you and me. We will have fun, be crazy and..." he was leaning towards me, and he was touching my face, and i can almost smell his was... actually, i can't describe it, it felt warm and good.

"Okay..." that's all I can say, while I stare at his eyes, it was like he captivated me.

"Good..." he continued to lean forward, and from what i was thinking I was a hundred percent sure that he is trying to kiss me and i just froze there, i can't hardly move...

Friday, June 18, 2010


Woah!!! It's been like a year since i wrote something about ICE... I just checked out my AMATURE blog out of boredom and decided to write another chapter...haha....Well guys i want you to know that i'm finished with my degree..i finally graduated and technically have a license to practice what i've been studying for years....oh before i forgot, to those who just visited this page because they were bored, try reading from the bottom to the top..first chapter is on the BOTTOM (oldest post).... and to those who randomly checks this page for a year, trying to see if i have written something.....I'm sorry it took a year to write something...i was busy with everything, job, life and people i hate hahaha.. enjoy guys!


I woke up, still with tears on my eyes, i'm exhausted. I can't be like this all the time... I need to go on with my life with or without Jake!

Hmmm what to do? what to do? Call jake, apologize, hang out then voila!

Are you out of your mind Ice?!!! It's not that simple and besides, you ended it all when you walked out from him remember? So start living your life without Jake, that's the first thing to do of your list!

But before i get too excited with this remarkably precarious perception... I need to eat, i haven't been this hungry before, considering i just cried myself to sleep last night, and the other night and the other night also...what am i thinking??? I NEED TO EAT NOW!!!!

So here i was stuffing my face on the fridge, eating whatever i could find, it's too late to cook something, too hungry to wait.

"Ahem...How about dining out?"

I was startled and was choking to death as i noticed him, standing by the door, looking as stunning as before. It was Steve. I forgot about him, all of a sudden he was here.

"Are you okay?Do you need water or something?"

I nodded quickly...embarrassed at the same time annoyed.

"I thought you would never get out from your room Ice... It's been like three days already? What's wrong with you, you're totally freaking me out, aside from you being weird, i'm bored to death here. It's about time we go out and have some fun..what do you think huh?"

He was whining while pouring me a glass of water. And after i drank all of it, I was surprised he was touching my face all of a sudden, i just stood there. Surprisingly his touch was so gentle and soft and it felt great.

"I need to go take a shower." I swiftly turned around, walked away.

"Eeew... Don't tell me you just woke up?"

And here he was... from being sweet to being so peeved..argh! I was reminded that i hated this guy so much.

"Do you wanna go out?" i didn't turned to him. I just stood there.

"If it's not too bothersome for you?I mean if it's okay...I..well.."

"Shut up and get dress, i don't wanna be seen with a total loser... a shirt, pants and sneakers would be okay.." then i walked away....

"what's wrong with what i'm wearing now?"

I didn't answer... i don't want him to ruin my plan, and that is to go out, have fun and live without Jake!

It took me thirty minutes to get ready, was wearing my worn out shorts, my favorite jacket and my sneakers. I saw myself in the mirror, I looked horrible... I looked tired...i took a deep breath, I need to do this! I have to!

"Hey Ice, are you ready?!!!!" Steve was shouting outside like an idiot.

He's annoying, but there's something about him that made me realized that everything is going to be okay. I can't stop thinking about the touch, it was comforting. Aside from being a prick, he knows i'm hurting, i often heard him knock while i was crying..he was asking if i was okay or something, and even though i yelled at him, to mind his own business, he just stands there, i can see his shadow from my door...