Wednesday, October 8, 2008



The greater your capacity to love, the greater your capacity to feel the pain.
Jennifer Aniston

I just stopped. My whole world suddenly stopped. I was like drowning in the deep waves, then it’s suddenly hard to breathe, I was plunge forcibly… little by little, the pain suffocated me. I didn’t even remember it felt like this, it was too much harder than before.

“Aren’t you going to answer that?” Steve was staring at my phone. There’s a look in his face, look of nosiness, is he curious who was calling? I could see apparently through his face that all he could think of is stealing my phone, but he was restraining himself, of course.

And there I was, startled and at the same time relieved. I, for a second, thought that I’ll be asphyxiated by the ache I have buried deep inside me, well I tried to bury it, however it keeps leaking out.

“Huh?” I just stared at him, and then I did the most stupid thing a person could do… I threw my phone at the trash can. Yeah I just threw my phone, my only phone, and did I mentioned, my expensive phone!

“Whoa! Did u just do that?” Steve was in shocked by the impulsive reaction I’ve made.

“Yeah, do you have a phone?” I too can’t believe what I have done, my mom would burn me alive.

“What? Are you going to throw it too? No way!”

“Relax. . . I’m just gonna call my mother.”

Steve unwillingly, so hesitant, gave his phone, and I was about to smile when it rang. And I recognize the number without doubt.

“Mom?” I picked up hesitantly looking for reasons, how my phone ended up in the trash can.

“Isabella? Is that you? Thank god, you’re with Steve. Is he okay? That poor boy. Can I speak to him?”

What the heck? She looked like she found her lost precious ring, yeah! Thank you mom!!!! We found your prized retard so can I go on with my life now!


“Yeah sure mom.” I handed the phone to Steve.

“Hey? Ma’am? It’s okay. Yeah, no problem. Well…?” Steve was walking away; clearly he doesn’t want me eavesdropping.

What the hell, you tell mom everything, so what! I really don’t care, I never cared. I stopped caring since I was forced to move in this crappy place. The only reason I wanna stay here is gone and somehow I really don’t care at all. I am so angry, deep down inside I am so angry with myself, with Jake, with these feelings. I feel rage hidden somewhere inside of me. All I really want is to leave this place and forget everything.

“Hey you’re mom wants to talk to you…” Steve caught me spacing out again, I can’t imagine how he thinks of me.


“You lost your phone?”

“I could totally explain, mom! I…”
“No need, I’ll send you a new one. Steve filled me with details a while ago, treat him well. Bye.” Just like that, I wasn’t yelled at, and she’ll be sending me a new phone.

“Here. What did you tell my mom?” I handed the phone and I couldn’t believe how powerful the guy standing in front of me, is he that charming that my mom had to be swiped off her feet? Plus, he persuades her to buy me a new phone without asking any questions. Normally mom asks explanations, she never trusts that I lost something which I haven’t got to do with the thing being lost. It was always my fault. But not this time? Hmmm… Steve has the charms he needed; it was like his power, imagine you have that ability; you could get out of trouble anytime anywhere and to anyone, especially my mom. How dandy!

“I would like to tell you but then I have to kill you.” Steve was smiling, again with the perfect smile like that any girl could just be swiped off her feet, but then I’m not just any girl.

“I really don’t care what you’ve told my mother, can we just go, you’ve already wasted my time, let’s not waste another.” Then I turned my back and started walking. I was rude to him, I’m not like that? Not around with Jake… there I was, caught in the act, act of being guilty, guilty as thinking of Jake again, I thought I was going to forget him. I guessed it’s not that easy. He’s just there inside me, lurking behind my mind, wanting to get out, waiting for every chance he could get, waiting for me to be remembered.

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