Yes, that was embarrassing no need to rub it hard. Well the great pop up question I asked never made a difference in our relationship, after the most thwarting incident, both Jake and I acted as if nothing happened. It was considered as a passed by joke, and yet I undergone uneasiness and hopelessness regarding these things I’ve felt, it was like I was ripped out of hope and chances are already taken away from me. Hmmm however that didn’t drive me away from him, I continue to like him, care for him even if I was the only one who knew it. It was like I’m trapped in this dark, solitude place that I couldn’t escape from, the feeling of uneasiness have grown day by day as if I was about to be swallowed by these thoughts, I wanted to let it go but as time passes by it kept crawling back and back, devouring my whole body, clenching every strength I’ve made to deny thy feelings. Maybe as young as I was back then, I have fallen in love for the very first time, and I didn’t know what else to do but just wait for the right moment and time to talk to him and express how much I really love him. So months have passed by, we both went to college, he took up business ad and I took up fine arts. We both went to the same university so it was easier for us to hang out, and luckily we both have the same free time, actually I was the one who planned the schedules hehehe so clever of me huh? Well it would be nice if I could just say that we lived happily ever after then, consequently that didn’t happen. Yes, I still love Jake, however he doesn’t know about it and I was too coward to say it, and something terrible happened, well not that terrible just some bumpy road that we bumped as we were traveling our intertwined paths. Hmm maybe you’re really wondering what did happen, to cut a long story short Jake met someone in his class! Ouch! Just thinking of it makes my heart ripped out to pieces. Why not? Of course I can’t control him, we’re not even in a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, so I can’t do anything but to accept the fact that it’s not only our world but there were others too who in reality want a piece of him. So it happened like this, first heart ache:
“Hey Ice, I have been looking everywhere for you?” Jake was running towards me, sweating and looks really hot with his black shirt and rugged pants with his old sneakers.
“Oh hi Jake…what’s up? Why are you running?” I was deeply happy that he was in a hurry looking for me, maybe he wanted to tell me something, something I’ve been waiting to hear…oh just wake up Ice…It’s not that, stop dreaming and don’t space out!
“Well remember our English class?” Jake was really excited that day, and I was wondering why?
“Yeah, the most boring class, yup you mentioned it last week. The first meeting sucks, your teacher was really dull.”
“Well not anymore! Ice if you’d only seen her she was really the perfect…”
“What? You have a new teacher?”
“No! Could you stop interfering, could you just listen to me Ice?”
“Who is perfect?” Now from the looks of it, I already knew that something happened, and this would really hurt.
“Well I met someone, her name is Nice, my classmate, and she was absent the last time so I didn’t see her.”
“So…” I just raised my eyebrows just to let him know I really don’t care.
“So… she is perfect, I mean she is beautiful, smart, friendly and hot.” The way he talked about the girl, it made me want to throw up. My whole world seems to black out, my knees got weaker and weaker that it’s shaking the whole time.
“Hmm Jake…I have to go to class now.” I came up with a very stupid excuse, maybe it’s because I can’t take it anymore, every remark he spoke of about Nice is really pissing me off.
“Duh? How come? You don’t have classes till 4 pm… its lunch break dude; we’re going to go have lunch together, right?” Jake was looking very confused at that moment.
“Ahmm... ehehehe…not class, silly… I’m sorry I can’t go to lunch with you, I mean I have to go to a meeting with my group in, you know, it’s the project, I mean, you know that already.” I don’t know what’s happening to me at that jiffy. It’s like I can’t think properly, all I can think of is how much pain I’ve been enduring at that moment. I wanna cry out loud, punch someone; I just want to run as fast as I can.
“Hmm honestly, Ice I don’t know what you’re talking about but I think you’re upset or something.”
“Yes, I know you too well Ice, if you’re stuttering like that, I know you’re upset. I know how you feel but I don’t know why. Is something wrong?”
“You don’t know how I feel Jake, you just don’t know.” Now there I was looking so stupid again, running away from Jake. I never looked back, all I know is that he’s shouting my name and constantly fading away, his voice.
to be continued...